There was a man who had worked all of his life,
saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it
came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife, “When I die,
I want you to take all my money and put it in the
casket with me. I want to take my money to the
afterlife with me.”
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her
heart that when he died, she would put all of the
money in the casket with him.
Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket. His
wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was
sitting next to her.
When they finished the ceremony and just before the
undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife
said, “Wait just a minute!”
She had a box with her. She came over with the box and
put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the
casket down, and they rolled it away. So, her friend
said,”Girl, I know you weren’t fool enough to put all
that money in there with your husband?”
The loyal wife replied,”Listen, I’m a Christian, I
can’t go back on my word. I promised him that I was
going to put that money in that casket with him.”
“You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket
with him!!!!?”
exclaimed the friend.
“Sure did,” said the wife. “I got it all together, put
it into my account and wrote him a check.
If he can cash it, he can spend it.”
Send this to every clever female you know
In other words, send it to all your friends
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One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and my brother
who is four years older than I am. I was maybe 3 and a half years old
and had just recovered from an accident in which my arm had been broken
among other injuries.
Someone had given me a little ‘tea set’ as a get-well gift and it was
one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the
evening news and my brother was playing nearby in the living room when I
brought Daddy a little cup of ‘tea’, which was just water. After several
cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My
Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea,
because it was ‘just the cutest thing!!’
My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of
tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then says, ‘Did it ever
occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the
toilet??
Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town.
After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel. The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager; “Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I’m not wasting two of my girls on the. They won’t know the difference.”
The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business.
As they are walking home the first man says; “You know, I think my girl was dead!”
“Dead?” says his friend, “why do you say that?”
“Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving her.”
His friend says; “Could be worse, I think mine was a witch.”
“A witch?? Why the hell would you say that?”
“Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck, and I gave her a little bit. Then she farted and flew out the window…………………………………………..Took my teeth with her, too!!”
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