February 15th, 2008 , 6:16 pm
Yeah this is a day late but still has the same meaning
Walking the streets, with no name
All the scenery looks the same
A man and woman, hand in hand
My time drowning away in the sand
Waiting for the one to find
Yet always feeling left behind
The door to life will close
While my heart wilts like a rose
So what else is there to say
It’s another happy Valentine’s day
February 15th, 2008 , 5:12 pm
I haven’t tested this yet to see if it works or not but why don’t you try it and get back with me and let me know how it goes.
They say that If you ever get the sudden urge to run around naked, you should drink some Windex first.
It’ll keep you from streaking.
February 12th, 2008 , 1:30 pm
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding…
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer: Don’t have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
February 12th, 2008 , 1:10 pm
A man comes running to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain. “Please, doctor, you’ve got to help me. I’ve been stung by a bee!”
“Don’t worry,” says the doctor. “I’ll put some cream on it.”
“You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now.”
“No, you don’t understand!” answers the doctor. “I’ll put some cream on the place you were stung.”
“Oh! It happened in the garden behind my house.”
“No, no, no!” says the doctor getting frustrated. “I mean on the part of your body the bee stung you.”
“On my finger!” screamed the man in pain. “The bee stung me on my finger and it really hurts!”
“Which one?” the doctor asked.
“How am I supposed to know? All bees look the same to me!”
February 7th, 2008 , 7:51 pm
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and
everyone inside dies. As they stand at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter
Paradise and meet their maker, God decides to grant each person one wish
because of the grief they have experienced.
They’re all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. ‘I want
to be gorgeous,’ and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.
The second one in line hears this and says ‘I want to be gorgeous too.’
Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous, but when God
is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts laughing.
When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor,
laughing his head off.
Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish will be. The
guy eventually calms down and says:
‘Make ‘em all ugly again.’
NEXT TIME YOU’RE LAST IN LINE. BE HAPPY