A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a
Genie’s lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it & a Genie appeared. The amazed woman
asked if she was entitled to three wishes.
The Genie said “No. Due to inflation, constant downsizing, low
wages in third world countries & fierce global competition, I can
only grant you one wish. So what’ll it be?”
The woman didn’t hesitate. She said “I want peace in the Middle
East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with
each other.”
The Genie looked at the map & exclaimed “Gadzooks, lady! These
countries have been at war for thousands of years. I’m good, but
not THAT good! I don’t think it can be done. Make another wish.”
The woman thought for a minute and said, “Well, I’ve never been
able to find the right man. You know, one that’s considerate and
fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in
bed and gets along with my family, doesn’t watch sports all the
time and is faithful. That’s what I wish for.”
The Genie let out a long sigh & said,
“Let me see that ****in’ map!”
Make and use your own custom postcards from Vista Print. Want a new way to get your message across? why not create your own post card that says just what you want to say. Act today and use coupon code “BlogPostcards100” at checkout to receive 100 free postcards.
They offer printing in quantities as low as 100 for standard size postcards or 50 for oversized postcards. The proprietary technology means that they can print your postcards in small quantities and still offer you the best value anywhere. They incur low cost which means better savings for you. why not get your message in just the way you want it and save money while doing it? Create today and receive in as little as three days. Get matching envelopes at checkout, full color printing on heavy card stock. They have all your business needs and more. So why wait check them out today and see how you can save money.
They have hundreds of design templates to help get you started. Pick a postcard design template and proceed to the free online postcard design studio. Customize your postcards with text and upload your logo or graphics. They also offer over 70,000 free stock images to help you create your custom postcards. If you already have your postcards designed, you can simply upload your file for us to print! They also offer postcard mailing services so what more could you ask for? 
A woman went to a WalMart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it wouldn’t work. The clerk told her that he couldn’t give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up-up in the air and started screaming,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!
The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager in front of a growing crowd of customers.
The manager comes to the woman and asks, “Ma’am what’s wrong?”
She explains the problem with the toaster, and he also tells her that he can’t give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screams,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!
Which begins to draw an even bigger crowd! In shock, the store manager pleads, “Ma’am, why are you saying that?”n a huff, the woman says, BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I’M BEING SCREWED!!” he crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!
This is going to be an easy post since I drink Budlight. That is my beer of choice and I always drink with my friend Mike, well most of the time anyways. Last time I drank it would of been with him at his house while playing video games. As they say never drink and drive, even if it is just a video game, as I learned the hard way. We were playing burnout paradise, and well needless to say soon as I picked up the controller I smashed right into a wall. So drinking and driving wasn’t working for me, so we decided to play Rock Band, I thought well that shouldn’t be to hard all I have to do is play a guitar right? I played ok and hit every note, well not the notes that I was suppose to as I couldn’t get my fingers in the right spot, so not only shouldn’t you drink and drive but never play an instrument while drinking either it just don’t work. Now if we had gone and played pool I would of been ok, cause it seems the more I drink Budlight the better aim I have at the balls on the tables, maybe because I see double? who knows but for some strange reason I seem to play better drunk than sober. lol
Anyways if you are reading this why not take this quick survey of ten questions for a chance at $300.00 dollars. All you have to do is texted the word beer to 247365 and take the ten text and reply survey. Click here for Contest Rules Survey begins Saturday, March 1st and closes at midnight, Friday, March 14th so why not take this quick and easy survey you never know you could be the lucky winner of $300.00 dollars and who couldn’t use the extra money?
Wanda’s dishwasher stopped working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman ‘I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter and I’ll mail you a cheque.’
‘Oh, by the way don’t worry about my dog Spike. He won’t bother you. But do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!’ ‘I REPEAT; DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!’
When the repairman arrived at Wanda’s house the following day he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he had ever seen. But, as she had said,the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, swearing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn’t contain himself any longer and yelled,
‘Shut up,you stupid,ugly bird!’
To which the parrot replied, ‘Get him, Spike!’
See - Men just don’t listen!
Looking to move to New York City, Long Island or the Hamptons, but can’t seem to find the house of your dreams? Then why not let New York real estate agents offices of Prudential Douglas Elliman Real Estate help you find that dream home. They have 60 offices serving 350 communities throughout these cities. They can make it happen for you and find the perfect home that fits your needs and your budget. So if your looking to relocate, and not sure where the prime spots are let them help you by making house hunting easier and affordable. With a name like Prudential you can’t go wrong. Not only are they the largest real estate brokerage franchise network in North America they provide a substantial network of potential buyers for your property.
Prudential Douglas Elliman is New York’s largest real estate services company, and ranks among the Top 10 in the U.S.A. visit them online today and let them work for you in helping you find a beautiful investment. They are truly One Destination A World of Services.
12 cups popped popcorn
1 1/2 cups sugar
1/2 cup corn syrup
1/2 cup water
3 tablespoons unsalted butter
6 ounces semisweet chocolate, chopped
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup sliced toasted almonds
1/2 cup roasted unsalted peanuts
1 cup white chocolate chips
Lightly grease a large bowl and place the popcorn in it.In a large saucepan, combine the sugar, corn syrup, and water and cook over medium heat to the soft ball stage, 235 to 238 degrees F on a candy thermometer. Off the heat very carefully, add the butter (it will boil furiously), stir in the chocolate and vanilla.
Very carefully, slowly pour the hot chocolate mixture over the corn, stirring to prevent from lumping. Continue stirring until the mixture is cooled and the popcorn is evenly coated. Add the remaining ingredients and stir to combine and coat. Turn out onto a silpat or a greased foil-lined sheet pan. Let cool, then store in airtight containers. Great gift idea for any occasion.
Identity Theft and lifelock what this means to you the consumer. Lifelock protects you if you have been the victim of Identity Theft or fear that you may become a victim. Lifelock contacts the credit bureaus and has them set alerts for your personal information, which limits them to sell your information. This is something the credit bureaus didn’t want you to know about because they make money off of you by being able to sell your information. By placing alerts with the credit bureaus you will be protected in many ways. And the credit bureaus lose money because they can no longer sell your information without you being contacted and making sure you are the one that requested the information in question. For as little as ten dollars a month they can continue to work for you and make your identity safe from would be thief’s which gives you peace of mind knowing your information is secure and out of their reach. Basically what this means is that employees of the credit reporting bureaus have to take additional steps to verify a creditor’s credentials before divulging information contained in your records. What these alerts mean, lets say your wanting to get new credit or someone else tries to do something with your credit you will get a call from the bank asking you if you are indeed the person requesting the credit, if so then good, if not the the transaction stops right there. So let lifelock protect you and keep your identity safe from others.
First day home after being laid off yesterday, and I must say I got a lot done today. Although the strike talks aren’t looking to good right now as there have not been any scheduled, hopefully they will begin soon and reach an agreement. I can’t really afford to be off very long or I will fall behind in most of my payments. Besides getting a vacation I can get some much needed things done around my house that have been neglected, like a good cleaning, washing of curtains and such as spring hopefully is right around the corner. Another good thing about not having to work today was I didn’t have to drive in the snow storm we got this morning that was a good thing as I have a small car and it tends to go all over the road not a good thing when you drive over 40 miles through snow. Anyways lets just hope they settle this strike and that it don’t last more than two weeks.
In search of new rims? maybe your looking for R1 racing rims Then drive your mouse over to wheelfire.com the place for all your tire and rims needs. Discount wheels, rims and tires packages, The have the hottest deals and package specials for car, truck and SUV wheel rims and tires. Find 17, 18, 20, 22 and 24 inch discount and custom wheel rim and tire packages for your car, truck or SUV. Your one stop tire store and more. They are one of the few custom wheel retailers to be a member of the Better Business Bureau (“BBB”), and achieve an excellent rating every year since they have been in business. They have recently expanded into a new warehouse; and currently are able to carry a tremendous amount of wheels and tires in stock. So don’t trust your precious cargo to just anyone let them help you find the tires and rims to fit your needs and budget. Let their expert sales staff is ready to assist you in finding the proper fitment or perfect style you’ve always wanted but couldn’t afford. check them out today. your wheel and rim tire packages arrive at your home already mounted and balanced - ready to put on your car, truck or SUV. Most answers to your questions can be found in the Tech info of their page . Don’t know much about tires? read up and become an instant expert.
They have pioneered a fitment program that ensures a 100% proper fit for your vehicle. Not only can you feel confident ordering from us but we also provide fast and accurate shipping right to your door. So why wait? get your car tuned up and styling for summer, order 24 hours a day 7 days a week get geared up for your summer cruise.